In Micah 7:11 it says “The day for building your walls will come, the day for extending your boundaries.” and in Deuteronomy 32:8 it says “When the Most High gave the nations their inheritance, when he divided all mankind, he set up boundaries for the people.” Why are boundaries with men so important? Well there are several reasons, firstly, it says explicitly that boundaries are the motor fuel for order within a relationship. Secondly, having boundaries set will be the building blocks for your relational success and the foundation for your relationships. Thirdly, it also sets the tone for your walk with God due to the principle of obedience. Thus, here are six relationship boundaries to have with men when you are seeking a Godly relationship/already in a Godly relationship.
Boundary #1 Don’t share too little but don’t share too much.
In Proverbs 10: 19 it says “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” I know this advice can be a bit confusing. “If I talk too little, how will he get to know me?” and “If I talk too much, what if am I oversharing?” For those who are seeking a relationship, there are three key points that you should practice with a godly man to avoid this confusion. 1.) Talking once a week- this encourages both people to share about their days and what’s new for them that week 2.) Making the conversation at least an hour- this encourages both people to limit their talk time so oversharing/overdoing won’t be done. Lastly, 3.) Making the talk time during the day. This creates a space for your mind to be and stay alert. For those already in a relationship, try to model Psalms 1:2 within your relationship. For example, my partner and I limit our talk time By having a quiet time (or somedays attempt to have a quiet time) everyday, together. This happens typically the start of the day except for weekends. We spend 30 minutes talking about our day yesterday/ what’s to come up for the same day and another 30 minutes on our directed quiet time. Sometimes we have relationship checkins (he gets drained sometimes with these talks lol) on ways to build our connection with God. (I would caution talking everyday as it depends on the history/longevity of the relationship. You may be starting out, if so, I would put daily talks to the side and continuing to do this once a week). In sum, these daily talks encourages us to talk more about God and less about the future, kids, marriage, etc. Not to say we don’t want those things but we try our hardest to imitate Songs of Songs 8:4″…Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Those are typically talks we have during our discipling time with a married couple who are fostering our relationship.
Boundary #2: Give it all to God, so make your convictions in dating surrounding your relationship with God.
John 3:6 “Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the spirit gives birth to spirit.” To birth a growing relationship with your partner or future partner, is to follow through with the convictions you have with God. You are married/in a covenant with God first, therefore, whatever you do to strengthen your relationship with God you would do to strengthen your potential relationship or relationship with someone. For example, I pray every morning and every night to God about my difficulties/giving thanks for the day. I pray with my partner once a day about my difficulties and giving thanks to God. (Again, I would have this caution with talking everyday as it depends on the history/longevity of the relationship. You may be starting out, if so I wouldn’t talk everyday but continuing to do this once a week).
Boundary #3: Create Physical Fences
There was a reason why God told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. What God gave Adam and Eve was a physical fence. A physical fence is an invisible fence used to stop physical engagement. For example, in biblical times when a woman was on her period she was isolated and left alone as it was considered unclean. (Glad times has changed now!) When seeking a godly partner, what physical fences do you have for yourself? Meaning, what is too much touch for you? Or too much to handle? If you are in a relationship, what physical fences do you and your partner need to practice so you two don’t struggle?
Boundary #4: Create an atmosphere with others, do not put your eggs in one basket
This advice is for those who are seeking a relationship, those who already involved, scroll to the next boundary! Seeking ladies, heed this. Creating an atmosphere is keeping yourselves open to new people regardless of if you like someone. For example, before my relationship I was going on dates of encouragement nonstop. There was a time where I felt bad because I already liked my current partner (and we weren’t dating yet), but I learned and realized that going on dates with brothers of Christ is very encouraging and loving. You are showing your future partner 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and showing God that you trust Him. Additionally, the man you are seeking is most likely guarding his heart by doing the same thing! Nothing is wrong with that, just pray, stay strong, and carry on.
Boundary #5: Pray and read God’s Word
Dating and seeking ladies, praying and reading God’s word while you wait is not that bad! There are actual book reviews that you should take heed from in this blog that you should check out! Additionally, it says in Proverbs 2: 1-6, that God will provide wisdom, understanding through fear of Him, and knowledge when you read his commands, apply them to your heart, call out for insight, and cry aloud for understanding. Reading the Bible and praying to God is the best way to combat satan’s plans on your relationship building. The more you trust in God’s word, pray, and have confidence in following him, the more your desires will fulfilled.
Boundary #6: Wait.
This is the most difficult boundary anyone could possibly make and follow. There were times in the Bible where God called humans to be patient. Moses freeing the Israelites from Egypt, Jesus fasting in the Wilderness for 40 days and then starting his ministry, David becoming king of the Israelites and exceeding Saul, etc. God has made his promises flourish through patience so controlling relationships according to your timeframe will bring sadness and displeasure always. Take the time to be patient and be still. As He says “Be still and know that I am God…” (Psalms 46:10) Nothing can go wrong with waiting for a partner/waiting for marriage. Hold fast to God word and he will do the rest.